Finding a Path to Reading

When Nathan was 5, he used to boast that he taught himself how to read.  I couldn't help but feel partially offended by this comment.  I was, after all, very deliberate about teaching him how to read.  I chalked it up to his independent nature, and his 5-year-old, ego-centric view of the world.  I began to feel better.  

But recently, my free-spirited daughter began telling people that she taught herself to read, as well!  Perplexed, I had to stop and ponder this a bit.  If I was so deliberate about teaching them to read, then why did they perceive themselves to be the teacher?  

And then I realized, that's exactly what I wanted them to think!  A large part of my philosophy on reading is that children learn to read, each in their own meaningful way.  

My approach to reading has always been child-led.  From the beginning, I pay attention to the tell-tale signs that say, "I want to learn to read!"   This can be anything from taking an interest in letters, to when they start "reading" signs outside, or telling stories from the pictures in a book.  When kids realize that those little black symbols on the page mean something, their curiosity naturally leads them on the road to reading!  My job is simply to guide them along.   

When I see an opportunity to point out or model skills that would help them become better readers, I jump on it.  I call these my "teachable moments."  However, during any "teachable moment" I am careful to stay in touch with my child's interests and needs.  Sometimes they are receptive to a suggestion.   When they want an easier way to figure out a word (other than looking at the pictures), I can suggest to skip the word and come back to it, or show them how I  use the letters in the word for clues.   Sometimes, they want to be left alone.  If they don't feel like sounding out a word, I don't force them to do it.  I pay attention to when they are open to suggestions, and when my suggestions become too unnatural and forced.  I allow them to reject my ideas and try their own.  In doing so, my kids felt like they walked their own path towards reading.  I was just along to help them stay on that path.  

Now, instead of being offended that my children don't credit me with their ability to read, I am satisfied in knowing that I allowed them to teach themselves to read.  With my guidance, they learned the skills to read, in their own meaningful way.  They created their own path.  And they take pride in knowing that they did, in fact, teach themselves to read!   

Learning to Write, Without Writing

A friend recently confessed that her 4-year-old HATES to write.  Normally this child happily went along with her big sister's daily writing routines.  They write in a daily journal, where they are allowed to write anything they want--poems, letters, stories, anything.  But this sudden opposition to their routine left my friend at a loss for what to do.  

How do you teach writing to a child who doesn't want to write?  

The answer is that you don't make her write if she doesn't want to.  To start, let's think about what she really is learning when being forced to write.  She's learning that writing is not fun.  She's learning that writing is boring and a pain in the butt.   She's also learning that writing does not have anything to do with the freedom to express yourself.  These ideas, once ingrained into a child's mind, are not easily erased.  

Now let's think about what you really want your child to learn.  Writing is a beautiful art, of which there is so much more involved than the simple act of writing down words.  

First, you must form ideas for something to write.  You usually think about why you're writing, who you're writing to, or how your writing might impact others.  You might question whether or not your writing is even worth writing.  

Next, you should also be able to organize your thoughts into comprehensible sentences.  You must think about how to say the things you want to say.  (Are you trying to convince someone to do something or paint a picture in their mind?) You must think about the kinds of words you use to describe things in your writing.  You must also think about how you're writing will be organized.  If you write a story, you must be aware of the story line, character development, the setting, the organization of events.  If you write instructions, you must think about the order you put each direction and how much detail to include.  If you write poetry, you must think about the emotions your words strike, and how to make those words dance along in your poem.  

And these are just some of the things you must learn, in order to write well! 

As you look back at the list of things I just mentioned, think about this:  Do you have to be able to physically write words on a page, in order to do any of these things?  The answer, of course, is no.  You can learn to organize a story by telling one to your sister.  You can learn how your words impact others by seeing how hurt your friend got when you told her to "get out of here," or how delighted your brother got when you told him you were sorry.  You can learn to persuade someone when you have to convince your mother that the $50 toy, really is an absolute necessity!  

Children can learn to write without actually writing.  While they may not be getting practice in handwriting, spelling or grammar, they will learn many important things about content.  And if you think about it, content is the much more complex (and therefore harder to learn) concept to learn.   So if your child is reluctant to write, take a break from the physical act of writing for awhile, and bring back the joy of playing with words:

Tell a story together.  Watch how her imagination soars as you add creative twists and characters!  

Have her recount what she did today to Daddy or Grandma.  Their questions will encourage her to organize her thoughts--Where did you ride on a water slide?   

Have her tell you a story.  Ask for clarification, so as to encourage her to add details --Why did the dragon start to cry?  And be genuine about it!

Ask her to make up a song or a poem.  Let her know when her words strike you.

Let her draw or paint or sculpt or dance!  Make sure she tells you ALL about it!  

Read!  Read!  Read!  Talk about the stories you like and don't like.  Find really cool sentences that just make you think.  Make comments on what you see as you read--Ooooh!  What a cool first sentence!  I think I'm going to like this book!   Talk about the characters, as though they are real.  

Let her see you write.  And let her ask you all kinds of questions about it.  

And if your child is receptive, and if the mood strikes, 

Write WITH her.  Let her draw the pictures, while you write the words she says.  Let her dictate a letter to her aunt, while you write it.  Write down her spontaneous "silly" poem, and put it on the refrigerator so you can remember it and say it to her later.  

Get creative!  There are countless ways to practice the writing skills that are necessary for good writing.  If you incorporate these skills into your child's interests and every day activities, she will happily participate, without even knowing she is learning to write!